In The Messy Middle
By Chelsey Dankert
Have you noticed all of the “ands” there are in everyday life? How can one small three-letter-word change the gravity of a situation so easily?
A sandwich made up of just bread with peanut butter is not nearly as enticing as a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; and isn’t there just something ever so comforting as a toasty fire and hot chocolate on these chilly fall nights?
I think that all too often, the ands in motherhood are overlooked, even frowned upon; as if we should only ever feel one emotion at a time given that our station in life is so blessed by all the pitter-patter of small feet (that are likely crunching up Aldi Cheddar Turtles that have been neglected) and the early mornings that should mean welcoming those chatty unbound conversations because you know, one day it’ll be quiet in the house and we will miss these times.
Maybe, perhaps, and I am just spit-balling here, but this is a topic that should be more widely talked about in circles of Christian women.
And not just the “I’m living the life I’ve prayed for,” or “This season is a series of answered prayers,” posts we share as we may simultaneously be locking the bathroom because for the love of all things good, can we please just pee without a little voice asking an absurd question about something happening in the basement.
But, remember, this is the life I’ve prayed for.
How could I actually be exhausted when all I ever wanted was to be a mother?
How dare I want a break when we’ve sacrificed so much for me to be a stay-at-home mom?
What could possibly bring me more joy than another wet bed, another load of laundry, another meal to cook and clean up, or another petty argument to referee?
This is the life I’ve prayed for.
So to come full circle to my PB & J idea at the start of this, can’t we, as mothers, women, and followers of Jesus, accept that our days are complicated and we are allowed to feel any range of emotions at any given moment?
Can we please start chipping away at the wall that was created to hold in all of our emotions?
Can we please recognize that Creator God, Elohim Himself, beautifully and intricately made us in His own image - and that includes our emotions!
We are most certainly allowed to have those messy middle moments between the highs and lows. We can with utmost confidence feel the good and the bad at any given time.
It is completely possible, and plausible even, to feel both exuberant joy and a bit of heartbreak when your youngest jumps on a two-wheeler and takes off down the road with a confidence only a four-year-old boy can muster.
It would be totally expected to feel both intense frustration and budding pride when your 10-year-old daughter creates something uniquely profound to her with every possible craft item on the shelf.
It is completely understandable to recognize that while this is the life I’ve prayed for, it can still be draining, confusing, exhausting, and fulfilling, determined, energizing.
We can wholeheartedly embrace both, simultaneously, with grace and truth.
We can accept our range of emotions as welcomed, deeply felt, and anticipated in various forms throughout our days. We can recall fondly the sweet baby coos and look forward to different adventures and challenges as the kids grow up. We can soak up all the cuddles, sticky fingers and mismatched socks and long for a time away to remember who we were before motherhood and who we are becoming through it.
We simply must not choose just the highs, or be ashamed of the lows.
This is the life I’ve prayed for; this season is a series of answered prayers; and days can feel incredibly good and hard.
I don’t have a closing argument or an easy 10-point-plan to help navigate this new territory. But I do believe that the more we talk honestly and openly with one another, the truer these statements will become.