But just knowing the things of God has kind of been like a cup of tea for me. Something that smells sweet and fragrant, but ultimately extremely underwhelming every time I drink it. My outward knowledge has put off just enough of the scent of God to help me feel comfortable, to believe that I’m alright. But what am I actually giving God?

I often look at Kate as my walking miracle, and every year around her birthday I am overcome with joy by the gift that my God gave us in sparing her life. Her story changed my faith and the way I look at miracles. Through her, God showed me that He still performs miracles and that healings like we read about in the Bible are still stories that are written on this earth.

But as I sit here on this sunny November afternoon, I can easily say that even in the middle of all the changes and upheavals, God has remained faithful. Over and over again this year, He has been beckoning me to come closer, to draw nearer, and trust in the tender spaces that He is in control.

If you’re in a place where you’re not sure how or what to pray, may I suggest you join me in using the following four scriptures as an outline.

In springtimes past I was excited to get my hands in the soil and map out where everything was going to be planted. I eagerly awaited the sunshine and the opportunity to water my seeds and sprouts every day, with hopeful anticipation of harvest and bountiful bouquets.

This past spring, however, life was hard.

I don’t believe that I ever decided to stop believing in God. I also don’t think I ever bargained for Him to get me out of my mess, because I understood just that - that this was my mess, my responsibility to clean up.

The problem with living life by a rule book is that it doesn’t give you any real motivation to live genuinely. When you’re living by the rule book you’re acting out of ought and not out of true desire.

Despite my mind screaming at me to be angry and hurt by situations that are outside my control, God has been whispering “Trust Me, choose Me.” And let me tell you, that is far easier said than done.

But one day it clicked. Just like how we set goals for our careers or for our health, we can also set goals for our family life. We have a say in what we want our family culture to look like, and just like with any other area you set goals in - we have to work to make it happen.

My valley has looked like kids interrupting my quiet time. Romance novels stealing my attention from the Holy Word. Falling asleep during prayer time. Kids coming along on walks and yapping the whole time. Dishes in the sink. Pool dates. Laundry that always needs to be folded. Late bedtimes.

Without careful attention, my life often feels like a jungle of vines growing every which way, out of control and in every direction. In those times I feel suffocated, lost, unable to focus and utterly drained by all the failed attempts to keep everything growing, fruitful and beautiful.

I am no stranger to the Wilderness. I believe there are many seasons of wandering that result in deeper trust; specific times of my life have felt dry and pointless, only to realize that the circumstances always point to Christ. But this one… this one was new, unexpected, and for a while, I was content to sit in it.

Over the last few years, the Lord has proven to be our faithful sustainer. This season of hardship has taught us to be more dependent on His provision and less secure in the world’s standards of living.

Life is busy, and things must get done. I totally understand that. Trust me. I get it. This is not one of those “just leave the dishes to play with your kids because time is fleeting” sort of posts. Honestly those make me gag, and twitch. 

The last couple of years has landed me here: the only way to find peace is to choose it. When you’re facing a period of suffering you can either let your emotions overcome you or you can fight for peace.