My Four Disciples
By Alison Stoner
About three or four years ago I came to the realization that I can have a say in what my family looks like. For too many years I was letting life just happen, and letting that dictate our family culture. It wasn’t all together terrible. We were attending church, teaching our kids about the Bible, and praying with them, but nothing was intentional. Lessons happened sporadically, and there were no real goals or values that we were following.
But one day it clicked. Just like how we set goals for our careers or for our health, we can also set goals for our family life. We have a say in what we want our family culture to look like, and just like with any other area you set goals in - we have to work to make it happen.
It was about this same time that I really started to learn about discipleship. In all honesty, I hadn’t given one thought to discipling others until my pastor started preaching about it (and making it a value of our church home). As I started to understand more and more about sharing the love of Christ with others by doing life alongside them, I determined that discipling my children was something that I needed to be intentional about.
As Matt and I sat down and mapped out what we truly wanted our family culture to be, showing our children what it means to live life for Christ was at the top of the list. We knew that we wanted our children to feel like Jesus was a friend, and not just accept Him as Savior out of fear of going to Hell. We want our children to understand that being a part of a church is a blessing and not a duty. We wanted our children to grow a faith that is unwavering.
But the real question is how. How were we going to disciple our children? How were we going to achieve our goal of raising children who know their true identity in Christ?
The answer hasn’t been simple or executed perfectly, but it’s been a journey on which the Lord has taught me a lot.
Perhaps you’re ready to shift from wandering aimlessly and letting life happen to you to a life where you intentionally create the environment you want your children to grow up in? Maybe you don’t have any idea how to take control over your household? Maybe you never even thought about discipling your own children? Wherever you fall, I’d love to share some practical steps I’ve taken to intentionally disciple my children in hopes that it will encourage you. My prayer so often is that we mothers will raise up the next generation of people to be passionately and genuinely in love with the Father. I am committed to partnering with the Holy Spirit in hopes that prayer will become a reality. I challenge you to partner with us and do the same!
How I Have Been Discipling My Kids
I have surrendered them to the Father. I love my kids fiercely. I am the protective mama bear and will always be their biggest cheerleader. But I also know that there is Someone who loves them even more than I do. They may have come from my womb, but they were created in His image. No matter who you are discipling it is important to remember that it is not at all about us, but instead about the Savior, but I think this is especially important for us to remember that as we disciple our children. Mama doesn’t know best - God does. We must leave it up to the Holy Spirit to be at work and surrender them fully to His control, protection, and safe-keeping.
I lead by example. We all know that our actions speak louder than our words. So if we tell our kids that it’s important to read their Bible every day, but leave ours on the desk to collect dust, most likely they will leave theirs on the desk too. I have become more intentional about not only reading the Word, but doing so in a way that they can see. Most mornings my kids wake up to my husband reading his Bible in the living room, and my kids also know that I read my Bible before I go to sleep every night. We are showing them that spending time every day reading from the Bible is important and should be a part of your daily rhythm.
We do it with them. Because our children are still pretty little, we have to be intentional about doing spiritual practices with them. Just like how I am teaching them how to clean the bathroom by wiping down the shower alongside them, we are praying together each day and reading the Bible together. They catch a lot by watching us, but they learn so much more when we include them.
We prioritize the Gathering. I don’t think you have to attend church to believe in God, but I do think gathering each week with fellow believers is one of the best ways to strengthen one’s faith. My kids have grown up knowing that Sunday mornings we go to church, and not only do we attend, but we also serve in many different capacities. I have led my church’s coffee team for nearly six years, and because of that, they have gotten used to being one of the first people to arrive on Sundays and cleaning up after everyone’s gone too. Additionally, since homeschooling, we have begun attending a weekly bible study. This is part of their academics, and it’s an expectation that they complete the lesson and attend each week. Likewise, missing Sunday services for soccer games or sleepovers with friends is not something we allow.
I think what’s most important to remember about discipleship is that grace is key. Perfection is not the answer. There will be seasons you aren’t great at reading your Bible every day, and there will be valleys that you walk through where your faith will be tested. Your child will see all of these things, but they will also see how you fight through them. They will watch you pick the Bible back up after weeks of it sitting closed. They will see you stop the negative self-talk in its tracks with the truth of who He is and what He’s doing in your life. Remember that discipleship is growing deeper in our faith by doing life together. Working from that definition, showing them how you fight your battles on your knees and with your Christian community will make a world of difference in how they choose to fight theirs when they grow up.
The last encouragement I want to leave you with is that you can do all of this right where you’re at. As women we often believe the lie that we have to be perfect to do something well. As you read this you may be thinking that you don’t know the Bible well enough or that you have a sketchy past and that disqualifies you from discipling your children. These are lies from the enemy and the truth is that God has entrusted you with His beautiful children and He believes that you can disciple them well.
Do it messy.
Just do it.