The Tension Between
By Chelsey Dankert
By a raise of hands, how many of us are clinging to all things summer with one hand but reaching for the highlighters, schedules, and routines with the other…?
Anyone? Or is it just me?
All summer I feel like I’ve been in this holding pattern; I am holding my breath waiting for the next thing to come while simultaneously relishing every warm summer moment that comes my way. It has reminded me of the storms rolling in across the lake, our eyes are on the clouds, but we just aren’t quite ready to leave the water - until it becomes unsafe, obviously.
So here I am, squeezing out the remnants of the freedom that summer brings, finally admitting that those same freedoms are exhausting me, while creating our schedules and routines for the coming months. It’s a delicate balance to be sure, but I suppose someone has to do it.
This summer, specifically, has contained more freedom than many of the years past; there have been more moments of building our family foundations, more opportunities to serve in our church, and more opened doors that weren’t even on our to-do lists but were received as gifts to our family.
With that freedom, there has been the same amount of tension. Maybe it was the good kind that keeps me aware and thankful, but also has kept me watchful, guarded, protective, and maybe a little apprehensive about people and scenarios I used to trust myself wholly.
Despite my mind screaming at me to be angry and hurt by situations that are outside my control,
God has been whispering “Trust Me, choose Me.”
And let me tell you, that is far easier said than done.
When I have chosen my self, my wants, my thoughts, my ideas, all I have gained was anxiety, panic attacks, and such a lack of peace I would liken it to despair. I would lose time throughout my days; just functioning in a blur, going through the motions; breathing but barely really living.
When I chose Christ, I can’t say that all my troubles suddenly vanished and I only experienced sunshine and rainbows. I can’t even say that the circumstances really even got better.
But my outlook did. My mindset did. My ever-stirring need to control was replaced by something that I felt deeper; something that spoke more Truth than the opinions of those around me (and in my own head).
One of my favorite sections of Scripture is Jeremiah 29. And no, not specifically the over-used (and dare I say utterly-misused) verse 11. Don’t get me wrong, I love the promise of verse 11 as much as anyone else, but I become frustrated that we don’t also include the promise of 80 years of bondage that precedes it on our graduation cards. I suppose that wouldn’t fly at Hallmark, huh?
Anyway…
Jeremiah 29:7 give a commandment that has held a special meaning to me for several years, and for several reasons:
“Seek peace and well-being for the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf; for in its peace (well-being) you will have peace.’” (AMP)
I personally have not experienced an exile like the Jewish people did. But I have personally experienced times in the Wilderness, seemingly apart from God’s will, or a period where I didn’t understand what God was doing, why He would allow some circumstances to continue when clearly there could be a better way.
But do you see the almost subtle, or at least overlooked, commandment? To seek the peace and the well-being of the city… that is filled with pagans… seemingly godless… where God sent His chosen people… to become captives… because when the city has peace, so will God’s people.
Isn’t that a little backwards? Shouldn’t God’s people have peace, because, well, they are God’s people? What should their surroundings have to do it with?!
I find it interesting that God doesn’t just tell them to tolerate their captivity, but to thrive from within it.
He’s telling them to create a life in this place that is foreign to them, because He is still close to them (cue verse 11 in calligraphy on a “tough times” card from the market). I believe He gave his command because He knew the bitterness that would grow if they spent 80 years growing in resentment, instead of growing awareness of His presence, His goodness and His faithfulness.
“Then you will call on Me and you will come and pray to Me, and I will hear [your voice] and I will listen to you. 13Then [with a deep longing] you will seek Me and require Me [as a vital necessity] and [you will] find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. [Deut 4:29, 30] 14I will be found by you,’ says the Lord..” (AMP)
I can’t be sure, but I’m wondering if this is where the “fake it until you make it” phrase came from. I think there is something to take notice of actively choosing joy and peace when our circumstances seem like anything but. I’m not advocating creating something artificial from our surroundings or limited understanding (take a lesson from the Israelites on more than one occasion. Spoiler alert, this doesn’t end well.) But rather recognizing the Creator as our source for peace and joy.
So what does all of this actually have to do with clinging to summer while grasping for the next season?
I don’t really know…
But maybe God is trying to speak to each of us differently, and if I had to guess, I might say that it’s an important reminder that our peace and joy are not determined by what is happening around us, but inside of us and through us.
The changing of seasons, the anticipation of different routines, schedules and expectations are something we do - but it is not who we are; they do not define us and should not define our outlooks and mindsets.