Joy In Rest

I will be the very first person to tell you that I do not enjoy resting. There is an uneasiness and anxiety that comes when I am not busy doing…something. Anything. 

Saturdays are usually my least favorite day of the week because there is little structure and expectation. I do enjoy sleeping in a bit now that the kids are older and can get their own Cap’t Crunch (Aldi brand, of course) while they watch TV. But soon after I’m out of bed, I get antsy and uncomfortable, like I missed an appointment with my own life. Evan and I try to list two or three items that we would like to accomplish that day over our cups of hot beverages - tea for him, coffee for me, if you care to know. 

The day would then be filled with all the tasks that didn’t get completed the previous five days. 

Now, please hear me that not every Saturday was drilled with work and mundane. I like to think that we have adventures and do fun things; but if I am being completely honest (which I am), Saturdays generally serve as the reminder of every way I failed during the week and should therefore be forever dubbed as my “make-up” day. 

Sundays were just as hard, even with the typical standard of two services at church, the afternoon and evening at home would often feel “wasted” if we watched a movie or if I didn’t just finish up that last load of laundry. Who am I kidding? Laundry is never finished. 

If Saturdays were for picking up the balls that were dropped during the week, Sundays became the day to prepare for the week ahead. Between quick lunches for our hangry crew, prepping for dinner, tidying around the house, checking our schedules, meal planning and all the other small tasks that easily fill in the cracks, rest was nowhere to be found. 

Because in my mind it hadn’t been earned. 

There was still too much to do. I could not simply sit and enjoy a book or cup of coffee, draw, paint, journal - whatever - because there was so much more that needed to be done. 

The pace was unsettling and ultimately unsustainable, even though I allowed it to run me ragged for many years too many. 

My mindset was so focused on doing, going, accomplishing; my life was a verb, an action that always needed forward momentum, forward progress; something, anything, to mark my existence and my productivity; if I did not accomplish, I did not earn rest. If I did not complete, I was not worthy of rest. 

There are a lot of layers to this - many for another post. But for now, I will say that I was believing a lie. 

A very loud and convincing lie. A lie that I allowed to steal my time and my joy. 

If you haven’t been able to tell already, my identity was much linked, embedded, and twisted so fiercely with what I did, that I could not even comprehend or allow myself the dignity to rest. Because in my mind, rest was undignified. It was wasteful and useless. 

Recently, however, my spirit has been convicted by rest (well, convicted by many things, but rest in particular, for this particular post). 

I have been proactively attempting - and not always succeeding - to change my perspective and ultimately give more honor to the Sabbath by practicing intentional rest. 

Sometimes that means just simply sitting, reflecting, meditating on the Word of God.

However, more often it is choosing joy over productivity. 

Folding laundry would be a productive use of my time. Reorganizing our mantle bookshelves brings me joy. 

Meal planning is productive. Reading for 30 minutes brings me joy. 

So much of life's moments can be used productively; and often those productive tasks are necessary and even demanding. 

Real life snapshot - I am working on cooking dinner and finishing the first draft of this post, because I chose to work on this instead of folding laundry before dinner. Why? Because sharing my heart with you all brings me joy. 

And joy is necessary. 

And, also, why is my negative example always laundry?!

So, my friend, give yourself permission to enjoy that next cup of coffee in peace, without feeling bad or ashamed of the state of your kitchen. Take that time to read the book (ahem, put down your phone…)

Set a timer and accomplish what you can, then take joy in doing something that brings you joy. 

God rested on the seventh day and took in all that He created; He admired His work from the week and He rested. 

Life is busy, and things must get done. I totally understand that. Trust me. I get it. This is not one of those “just leave the dishes to play with your kids because time is fleeting” sort of posts. Honestly those make me gag, and twitch. 

But this is, in the most honest and sincere way, encouragement to put aside your to-do list and choose joy. 

I am a happier and more present mother when I have been filled up. 

Our children receive the spirit of contentment and learn, often by watching my choices, that 

I am a more peaceful wife and our home has a presence of calm, even in the middle of the circus that is our life. 

And still, yes, I am more productive at work when I have allowed myself to be a priority.