Awkward Ice-Breakers & Unintentional Gifts
Have you ever been to a workshop or function where you had to answer an ice-breaker question like “name three things about yourself”, or “name an animal that begins with the same letter as your first name”, or the most dreaded one of all “tell something “unusual” about yourself”? Do you break out in cold sweats and hives when you realize you’re next and you have absolutely nothing interesting to say? Or is that just me?
For as much of an extroverted-introvert that I am, and as much as I enjoy (some) social settings, these types of get-to-know-you questions are the worst. The. Actual. Worst. And no one wants to admit that, so every church hosted-women’s-tea-party-gala-extravaganza begins the same way.
So allow me to introduce myself using the first letter of my first name and something that I enjoy doing…
Hello, I am Chelsey and I enjoy CrossFit and Coffee (and Cheese).
I have clearly had time to think about this.
My love for coffee has deep roots into my mid-teens when I realized that coffee could be served in a frozen form with chocolate sauce and whipped cream. My tastes have become more dignified (and cheap) with time. Most mornings I settle on a cup of black coffee first thing in the morning - I’m serious. I have a coffee maker in my bedroom so I won’t even have to venture to the kitchen for that first hit. I do still enjoy a fluffy coffee and do use flavored creamers in the numerous other cups of coffee I consume on a daily basis (kindly remember this is a judgement-free zone).
While I have always considered myself active, CrossFit specifically is something relatively new for me. I have been a member of our local CrossFit gym for almost 18 months, and I truly believe it has renewed me in more ways than simply “getting healthier”.
A bit of backstory - I never committed deeply to much of anything as a teenager. I did some years of piano lessons, but didn’t pursue it after the obligatory lessons ended. I swam competitively for several years on a rec team, and while it did boost my confidence to become a lifeguard in high school, I never had a desire to push myself further in the sport. I dabbled in a lot of hobbies and jobs, some with a spark to climb the ladder, but after so many seasons, years, or just months, the spark fizzled out and I was on to something different.
So you can begin to imagine my disconnect, bubbling just under the surface, after years of motherhood and all that it includes. In 2023, when our youngest was about two years old, the mental weight became almost crushing. Even in the beginning of our new homeschool adventure, I was struggling to get through most days without crying alone in our bathroom or falling asleep on the couch while reading to the kids in the afternoon.
I believed it was likely something normal that would pass - but it didn’t. And the fatigue increased, and the feelings of failure mounted one on top of the next, which made it easier and easier to keep slipping away.
I could feel flakes of my being, my identity, myself, peeling off of me and getting caught up in the whirlwind that was our life. I was crumbling and fading into a shadow of who I thought I was, who I believed I should be.
Wow, that took a heavy turn, didn’t it? But it’ll make sense, I promise.
A few weeks before my birthday and my annual physical, I finally broke. My husband Evan and I were sitting on the couch - watching TV or maybe talking - but in that moment I finally told him the truth of what was going on inside of me - and I finally felt like I could catch my breath. The weight of it all was still very present, but at least it no longer had its hand over my month, suffocating me.
As it turned out, I was severely lacking in many (nearly all) vital nutrients, which was the likely physical cause of my fatigue. I could have been experiencing some level of undiagnosed postpartum depression as well - something that had likely gone unnoticed and unchecked in the little times between pregnancies and four births.
But there was something more that was missing than vitamins and letters and a clinical diagnosis.
In every step and season of motherhood, I felt as if I was taking one step further away from me. Whoever I was supposed to be, at my core, felt unfamiliar and distant. Like that cousin you know you have, but never really see, and when you do, it’s super uncomfortable and awkward and you never know what to actually talk about…
Not a super great feeling to be associated with - or not - in your own body.
Cue a Facebook ad with a new membership special to a gym. How does that even happen?!
And fast forward to now…
Being a part of the CrossFit community has given me space outside of motherhood that actually fuels and empowers me more within it.
Perfection is not the goal, but the practice of showing up is my focus.
Showing up for myself - because I am worth it.
Practicing CrossFit has been a gift I didn’t even know I needed. The time spent is always a sacrifice, and there are many days other things take priority; however, as a whole, it has given me some of myself back. My time, my body feeling alive and strong, my mind being able to process without shutting down. It has given me something to claim as my own in the middle of so much that is not: kids schedules, messes that aren’t mine, snacks that aren’t for me…
Maybe you’ve held a better anchor in your motherhood journey.
Maybe a lot of what I just said sounds foreign and odd to you.
But maybe some of these same thoughts have echoed in your own soul and suddenly you realize you are not alone.
Maybe CrossFit feels intimidating, or it just isn’t your thing. I’m not boasting that this is for everyone. I’m boasting that you are also worthy of claiming your own thing. Something that gives you life, that fills you up; something that is sacred to your core being.
Maybe your sacred thing is a book club, or wine tasting, or an embroidery group. Whatever it is, this is your permission (not that you need it) to move your schedule around and make it a priority.