My body, my friend.
There are many things about the thirties that I have fully embraced. There no longer seems to be this need to be “cool” or popular. I have figured out what is truly important: faith, family, and peace. I am comfortable in my role as a homemaker, and no longer feeling like I need to strive professionally. I have a place to call home and am no longer bouncing from apartment to apartment. Overall, the thirties have been years filled with a consistent rhythm that brings more joy than the first couple decades of my life.
But one common struggle I’m hearing among my friends in their late thirties (and now early forties!) is that we’re not super comfortable in our bodies. We complained in our high school years when we were actually skinny little twigs. And we fought for tight bodies and strength in our twenties. Our thirties though - that’s bringing a whole different level of body image issues than many of us have ever battled before.
If I’m honest, I’ve spent the last four years completely hating my body. While I didn’t “bounce back” from every pregnancy I had, the fourth one really changed my body for what seems like the long haul. I’m finding that all the ways I used to shed weight or tighten up are no longer working like they used to, and while I’ve never had to worry about what I eat (a huge blessing, I know), I can’t say the same for myself these days. I’m also finding that it’s a mental hurdle to keep with a fitness plan because there seem to be zero instant results these days to keep me motivated.
I’ve been mean to myself. The self talk is about as negative as it could be. I’ve twisted any comment about my body or my workout routine to be negative, and have let that impact my relationship with my husband. And worst of all, I’ve said things aloud that I’m sure my very impressionable preteen has heard.
About six months ago, though, the Lord intervened as He so graciously does. He simply told me that movement and diet isn’t about having a flat stomach or a number on the scale, but it’s about staying healthy and strong for my family.
This last fall my family walked through a stressful season as my husband received his second kidney transplant. For the last two years, my kids have watched him be hospitalized numerous times, do 14 hours of in-home dialysis a day, and visit the doctor more times than any of us could count. During one of our hospitalizations, I felt so strongly that I needed to get healthy and strong for my kids. Our family genetics don’t set them up for great success alone without us fighting for our health and doing all we can to properly care for our bodies.
This shift hasn’t been dramatic for me. I am not spending 5 days a week in the CrossFit gym or counting macros. My thirties have taught me that I’m not in a season where I can be extreme about fitness because it creates too much stress and emotional overwhelm for me.
What I can do, however, is make adjustments to my daily routine that can impact my health in the long run.
In January I implemented five key things to improve my overall health. They aren’t huge, but they are a start and have led to some noticeable changes in my mental and physical health. As my strength grows I will probably add in more fitness goals, but for now these five things seem to be what my body and mind need.
Drinking 90 oz of water each day. I won’t lie guys, this is a tough one for me, but I’m doing it (well, most days anyway). Carrying around the emotional support water bottle with me everywhere I go to ensure that I can suck down the ounces. Liquid IV helps on the days when I just can’t stomach any more plain water.
100 squats each day. When I first started this I could not do 100 squats all at once (I can now - see improvement!) so I aimed for 4 sets of 25. I struggled to fit it into my daily routine so I started pairing it with something I would for sure do 4 times a day - go to the bathroom. Pairing it with another habit I already had established helped me be successful in hitting my goal, and most days I just kept doing 25 each time I go to the bathroom even after I hit my goal!
Daily supplements. Each day I take vitamin B12, magnesium glycinate, vitamin D3, omega 3 fish oil, and ashwagandha. Many of these are more about mental/emotional health than physical, but my overall goal is health not weight.
Walk 1000 miles in a year. This is the goal I’m struggling with the most because I’m very much a fair weather walker. I hate the cold, and won’t walk in the rain either. Thankfully the weather is breaking in Michigan and I’ve been trying to walk between 1-3 miles every day depending on what my schedule allows for the day.
One serving. Hear me out before you start yelling at me. I have seen too many people have an unhealthy relationship with food. Whether it’s over eating or battling anorexia, or diet jumping from one thing to the next, there have been too many people in my life consumed by food that I will not let it dictate my day-to-day or how I live my life. I will not completely cut out carbs or aim for 150 grams of protein a day, but what I can do is ensure my plate is well balanced with healthy meats, vegetables, and grains, and not overeat. I have made it a practice of filling myself, but not going back for a second serving, which ultimately always led to me stuffing myself more than necessary.
I’ve had this idea to write a letter to my body burning instead of me for a couple of months now. An apology, but a thank you too. I think she needs some love.
Dear Body,
Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you that despite my harsh words towards you, you have loved me and kept me safe and healthy for the last 37 years.
I am sorry for the things I have said - all the times I said it wasn’t worth it because nothing is going to change. For getting frustrated with you for not looking like how I want you to look - like how you looked back when I also thought I was fat. I’m sorry that I have neglected you, and that I’ve worked you too hard - I’ve had such a hard time finding a good, healthy balance. I’m sorry that I haven’t recognized all that you’ve done for me and my family. I’m sorry that I haven’t been the encouragement that you need.
Thank you for giving me four beautiful babies. You were amazingly strong throughout those pregnancies, and blessed me with four natural births, even one that was traumatic and hard. Thank you for legs that can walk, arms that can carry groceries, for endurance to swim, bike, hike, and play tag with my kids. Thank you that I have been healthy enough to care for my husband when he has needed me the most. Thank you for a sound mind that despite negative thoughts always goes back to the truth that our life is beautiful.
Thank you that it’s not over for us. That I still have time to make changes. Thank you that there is still breath in my lungs and pep in my step.
I will not give up on you because you haven’t given up on me.