Creating A New Narrative

By Chelsey Dankert

Anyone who is anyone will understand what I am about to say… Well, at least anyone with a uterus. 

Sometimes timing just sucks. 

We have likely all “been there” in one way or another - a vacation planned, an all day outing, a mounting to-do list when who should barge into our lives but Aunt Flo.

When your membership to the monthly blood club renews.

When the crimson tide rushes in. 

When Queen Uterus throws her monthly temper tantrum.

Need I go on? Or do we get the point?

As an *ahem* older millennial, my childhood and teenage years seemed to be full of taboo topics; the things that no one actually talked about, but adults could communicate across the room with eye contact that spoke 1,000 words. During recent conversations with other *ahem* older millennials, I don’t believe that this was exactly unique to my home. 

I have come to realize that, generally speaking, of course, culturally and socially, a lot of topics were not openly discussed. From the home, to youth group leaders, to camp counselors, to even hushed circles of peers, major life conversations weren’t happening. And in my less-than-fully-developed brain, undiscussed topics equaled them to be bad or shameful, unwanted and unworthy of the time to ask questions or speak openly.

I will whole heartedly agree that while our parents are great, they were operating with the tools and guidelines that they were given; I will also agree that the generations before were not always handed down the greatest of resources. So you can see the trickle effect is not entirely a fault of their own. 

So here I am, approaching my fourth decade of life and I am trying to give my own daughters and sons more than what I was given. 

I want to give my daughters a new narrative about their bodies. 

And it has to start with me. I need to be speaking, thinking, and fueling my mind and body differently before I can pass on a revised edition of the metaphorical user manual. 

Historically, I would muddle through the 25-28 days each month swinging from creative, to moody, to motivated to slumped, only to then fall into the red pool of despair; resigning myself to being incapable as a decent human being but forced to carry on because that’s what every other woman before be has done. And how dare I complain about the unfairness of it all.

It’s kind of a wonder it’s taken me this long to realize there is a different way to maneuver through the female life. 

I started to pay attention to conversations about cycle syncing. What got my attention the most were the social media accounts by women who practiced CrossFit and noted lifting differences throughout the month and ways to embrace the seasons of their bodies from week to week. 

Huh, you mean that there could be an actual rhythm and I am in fact maybe not as crazy as I feel some days??

The more I listened and learned, the more I finally felt in tune with not just my physical body, but the natural ups and downs in my mental and emotional spaces as well. Moments began making more sense where I used to become so frustrated with myself about a creative block or inability to focus when it seemed like just last week I could accomplish anything. I have begun to recognize my own mental limits and rather than pushing through the grind just because; I can plan ahead to restructure my goals to fit into my upcoming mental and emotional capacities. 

There are natural seasons (yes, spring, summer, autumn, and winter) within our female bodies, each purposefully and  intentionally designed. And when we can embrace those changes throughout the month, we can be empowered to move through our routines, commitments, and activities knowing that when our hormones fluctuate, we are not out of control (or out of our minds…)

I wouldn’t say that checking an app every day is “life-changing” or anything quite so dramatic, but understanding my cycles as a whole - and not just those pesky 3-5 days a month - has given me the freedom to know it’s ok to just not be ok; that I do not need a valid reason to simply be “meh” other than my body is in a season of “winter”. Along with the dips in my emotions and hormones, there are also highs (inner spring and summer) where I experience renewed vision and motivation, my creativity flows with little prompting, and I am generally more optimistic and patient. I had never been told how to utilize the inner workings of my amazing body and mind or how to embrace myself wholly. 

Ok, maybe it’s a little life-changing.

I recently asked my husband to help schedule our budgeting conversations during a certain week because I am more open to discussion and ideas, when I am not as easily offended. I am working toward creating our homeschool schedule during the peaks, or planning certain projects when I know I have more mental focus. 

During my inner fall and winter phases, I tend to tidy our home and make it cozier. I may not overhaul a closet remodel, but I might reorganize the games, sort through different sizes of kids clothing, or not even attempt jeans because I just know that leggings are more comfortable.  

I do feel that I should add a common-sense disclaimer: budget conversations will still happen outside of my follicular and ovulation phases - and that is ok! When difficult conversations happen at the “wrong time”, I am more aware of my immediate feelings and reactions, and can name them appropriately. I will still need to move my body during my luteal and menstrual phases, but I won’t need to wonder why I may not be lifting as heavy or running as fast or as far. I refuse to use my cycles as crutches or excuses any longer.

I have the freedom to give myself grace. 

And the more grace I am able to give myself, the more space I can create to open these conversations up for my daughters.

So yes, while timing may not always be aligned with my physical calendar or activities, I can align my calendar and activities to me.