Falling Into A New Routine
By Chelsey Dankert
Did anyone else feel that cool bite in the morning? Or experience the intense desire to snuggle deeper into the covers because we know it's cold “out there”?
Alas, up we must be and at ‘em we must get.
But how do we do it? Day in and day out, rousing ourselves from slumber to repeat the previous days chores and try to chip away at all the tasks left undone. The lunches that need to be packed, groceries to be purchased, beds to be made, the ever-loving-laundry piles, the homework, the dinners prepped and cooked…
The list goes on; and while it may be different between households, I am sure that we can all say with confidence there never seems to be enough hours in the day to do all that needs to be done.
For most of the previous school years, our household ran fairly well: I had scheduled work hours that I built the rest of our days around, we used quarterly school schedules to keep from being overwhelmed; goodness, I even knew which days I could maximize the most loads of laundry and tackled that task with vigor. I thrive on accomplishment and there is no feeling quite like crossing items off my to-do list.
I had expected this year to be no different. Maybe different tasks on different days, or kids' activities on slightly adjusted times; but for the most part, I assumed our routines would be a carbon copy of what worked well in the past.
You know what they say happens when you assume, don’t you?
Towards the end of August, I was taken completely by surprise when I was laid off from my job. “Effective immediately” were words I didn’t anticipate hearing and it shook me deeply. A few years ago it may have even paralyzed me for a time. I can say with some certainty that while this was totally unexpected in a physical point, I had felt a stirring in my spirit for several weeks to be prepared for change; like a boss-babe ready to take on the corporate world, I had a vision of putting on spiritual make up (per se), with a confidence that came from nothing in myself, my gaze was locked on something in the future without fear of the unknown; “Be ready,” reverberated through me.
Maybe I should pay more attention next time.
Right before we entered the month I had been holding my breath and meticulously preparing for, the wind was knocked out of my sail and I felt like I was floundering between the waves of commitments and school assignments.
As I steadied myself, I tried to look at the shift as a gift, a blessing of time that I have never really experienced as a parent. I’ve always worked. I’ve always had something going on that demanded my time and attention. And I have loved it. Some financial necessity has played a part in my constant forms of employment, but most of my recent positions have given me joy and an outlet to have human adult interaction while trusting that I was a part of something impactful and important.
A friend so lovingly pointed out that throughout this year, perhaps God has been stripping away titles, things, places, and people that are distracting and bring a false form of fulfillment - when my focus should be on my home and my marriage. Gee thanks, friend, for being so unashamedly honest and telling me the things that I don’t want to hear (but also know the truth of them).
This gift of time, however, has been trickier than I thought to get a handle on. It’s something like Bruni, the fire spirit from Frozen 2, as it whips around causing little fires of excitement, but with too much energy to be contained and larger outbursts of flames pop up all over the house.
Metaphysical flames, of course.
But still, this “extra time” has been difficult to get a grasp on and use productively. More than once I have asked myself at 4pm, “What did I do all day?” And while the answer is never “sat on the couch and binged on Oreos and Gilmore Girls,” the struggle has been real to keep my mindset focused on the big picture and not be dragged down by the days ebbs and flows.
In preparation for writing this, I started paying more attention to the nuances of my days and making mental notes of the things that are working well with hopes to encourage not just myself, but perhaps others who are experiencing a season of change or transition.
Starting my day with purpose. In an ideal world, I’d wake up early and enjoy my first cup of coffee by peaceful candlelight. In reality, however, I have been barely getting up to get dressed before the kids get up. This has been helpful to no one. In the last week or so, I have been more intentional about getting out of bed at 6:20am, staying off my phone, stretching, and using the Bible App for a short devotion as I prepare to take on our day. I would like to keep practicing to make it a 6am wake up, but let’s take things one step at a time.
Taking care of myself. This sounds easy and maybe even trite, but I have found out, more than once in my life, that when I am in a low place mentally, it affects every aspect of my life - from my physical body, my mental state, my emotional capacity, what I chose to eat or drink and when. I have come to know more specifically what my triggers are, and respond to myself with love and grace, and ask for help when I know I am really struggling to get a grip. A few specific points of how I take care of myself:
Take my vitamins daily. We can all have varying opinions on what your own body needs. I know mine needs more nutrients and minerals that my everyday food provides. I take iron, probiotic, B12, D3, and a multivitamin daily. I also take beets and greens chewables and a “super greens” powder mixed with water.
My breakfast is full of protein. Three days a week I try to eat eggs with a scoop of low fat cottage cheese for a boost. When I reach immediately for bread or bagels I know that I’ll regret it later in the day.
I eat protein throughout the day. I am not tracking my macros, but I know roughly what I need to feel my best. When I am intentional, my day may include a Chobani yogurt drink that has 20g of protein, lunchmeat, hard boiled eggs; even those Parm Crisps are a good quick snack that offers a decent serving size for the protein ratios.
Water. Ugh. Why is this so hard? I have a 40oz water bottle that I would love to fill up twice in a day. Lately it’s only been one full bottle, and maybe another half when I go to the gym.
Get dressed. Even if it’s just swapping out a ratty sweatshirt for a clean one and putting my earrings in, the act of putting a few moments of thought into myself has lasting effects throughout my day.
Know my boundaries. Again, maybe a little cliche, but being home all day can come with glaring recognition of all the things that I am not doing, or not doing well. I could spend all day cleaning the basement and readying the space for school, and still feel guilty for not also finishing the laundry or cleaning out the fridge. When I was working, I held mostly strict ideals that the laundry would definitely not be completed if I was working out of the home - and the same concept is true for tasks around the house. It is completely unreasonable for me to expect to lead study lessons, make meals, and sort through laundry, when I also am needed to run errands, schedule appointments, and spend quality time with the kids doing things they enjoy. My point is, not everything will get done everyday. And that just has to be okay.
Communicate and be flexible. I am so completely blessed with an understanding husband who, while he may not experience our days at home quite the same, has never put me down for the cluttered house or unkindly questioned our school habits. Sure, our minds work differently, and we may have differing opinions of specific priorities, but overall and day to day, he understands and accepts the complexities that are our daily life at home. Each season of schoolwork, employment, activities, etc. there must be an element of flexibility; I try to keep us sailing between the riverbanks of rigidity and chaos, because when we bump too close to either side, there are hurt feelings, unruly emotions, and unmet expectations (which are often uncommunicated as well). Here are a few ways I try to cultivate some flexibility into our routines:
We try to talk on Sunday about the upcoming week. What’s different? Will there be conflicts? Are we maintaining healthy margins that support our home, family goals, and our kids, collectively as well as individually?
Erasable pens. These have been a huge improvement to my calendar system. Each family member has their own color and their plans change, we just remove the entry. This makes it so easy to glance at the calendar and get a good idea of what’s happening.
We keep a whiteboard in the kitchen/dining room, that I write our highlights for the day on. Some days this feels redundant, it helps keep me on track and it gives a high-level plan for the kids to pay attention to. Ideally, if we need to leave for the orthodontist at 10:15am, I shouldn’t need to say this 4 times, because it’s written on the whiteboard.
I’ll readily admit that none of these items are particularly groundbreaking or extreme ideas that suddenly bring order to my days or productivity to my check-list.