From One Mom To Another
By Chelsey Dankert
I did not want to homeschool our kids. There. I said it.
I love my babies more than words can express, but I never took a full maternity leave, usually rushing back after only 6 weeks or so. For full transparency, I have generally worked part-time and several of my positions allowed me to bring my littles with me, so it was not your typical day-care situation. However, my heart was very much tied to climbing the corporate ladder and proving myself capable of accomplishing anything outside the home. I would like to add that during this most demanding season with a nursing infant, a preschool schedule, my husband working full time and my full-time position for an after-school program (which landed me working 1pm-7pm daily) my heart was anything but full or joyful.
When that thing happened in 2020 that we all have our own feelings about, it opened the door for me to explore other creative and employment options since my previous workplace shutdown with most of the other "unnecessary" forces in the nation. We muddled our way through that spring with online preschool and a baby who seemed more content than he’d ever been. But that fall, with all its uncertainties and strong opinions being blasted from every direction, we sent our adorable little blondie into Kindergarten with a Elsa mask made by her grandma.
She loved school. She liked her uniforms and she had really excellent teachers. Despite the world seemingly going up in flames, we had a positive charter school experience and planned to follow this route through the 8th grade available. Over the next few years, we carried on with the expectation of “out of the home” education with all-day preschool for our 4 year old son, and half-day for our even younger second daughter.
In the fall of 2022, my heart was breaking for some of the political proposals on the ballet here in Michigan, and while I was praying over my then 2nd grader and Kindergartener headed into school (now mask-free, but still so many unknowns lurking in the very near future), I felt very audible words resonate within my spirit, “When Proposal 3 passes, you will homeschool your children.” I was so shocked that I messaged my closest friend because I had to tell someone, and couldn’t freak my husband out like that, out of the blue. She strongly encouraged me to continue praying about the words and seeking more guidance and wisdom though scripture, and, also, to tell my husband.
Have I mentioned that I was homeschool growing up? All the way through high school when I graduated. I’m fairly certain that my angst wasn’t about homeschool in general, but more of my own insecurities and unadmitted out-of-order priorities. My heart was securely rooted in fear and my own ambitions. Something that our Gracious Lord has been working on since.
On November 8th, 2022, on my 34th birthday, God’s word to me returned fulfilled when Proposal 3 passed and I knew without a doubt that this would be the last year our kids would walk into a public school setting for at least a very long time. We did finish out the school year, ending in the spring of 2023, but with each passing month, the truth wove itself deeper that homeschooling is the right choice for us.
However, even with my homeschool background, and more of my friends homeschooling than not, I was apprehensive about the whole process and just how to go about making it happen. I had so many questions, most of which were wrestled with internally because the last thing I ever want to appear as is unconfident (something else the Lord is working on in me).
The weight of making the “right choices” was daunting and actually quite heavy and while I know most of the moms in homeschool communities try to mean the best, often I felt criticized and looked down on, or not able to fit into their particular persona of a homeschooling family. (I wrote more about this in Our Commonly Uncommon Journey, if you missed it).
Maybe you’ve experienced the range of emotions and thoughts as I have over the course of several years.
Maybe the voices of doubt or fear have kept you from pursuing a homeschool journey.
Maybe the social implications of homeschooling has stopped you from dreaming - or moving forward towards making a change.
I would like to stand here as a voice of reason and encouragement.
I do not have all the answers, and I can really only speak to my personal experiences - but I would like to explore some common misconceptions and stereotypes that are often associated with homeschooling.
I have to join a co-op. This has been a resounding “no” for me from the beginning. I do think it is rooted more in a scheduling thing - we are busy enough; but possibly also because I don’t want the social pressure to teach other people’s children. Now hear me out, having a consistent community is great. I am not dogging co-ops in any way. But I just know their structure is not for us in this season and I am ok with that. There are lots of other ways to build a strong community outside of the traditional co-op structure.
Homeschoolers are anti-social. In direct comparison to my statement above, most homeschooling children are anything but shy. They might exhibit more reserved manners than peers, but that is vastly different from shyness or being aloof. My almost 6-year-old daughter will talk to anyone who makes eye contact with her. She’ll yell “HELLO!” out our opened van windows to those on the trails as we drive by. Most homeschooling families I know keep their kids busy in extracurriculars that give ample time for socializing and building friendships.
I need to be more organized. Yes, having a plan and some organizing is important, however, I believe we (meaning, me) place too much authority on the appearance of perfection that it actually paralyzes us from making decisions. Homeschooling isn’t perfect. You will have bad days. Your kids will have bad days. There might be days you don’t finish what you planned out, but that is ok. I do not plan out entire school years worth of material and concepts. At best, it’s quarterly. At worst, we just follow the books until they end, then purchase the next one. And please hear my heart - you do not need another set of Flare Pens to better color-code your lesson plans.
I am not patient enough. I think this roots back to the idea of perfection; the Pinterest-inspired classroom with the Instagram worthy photo-ops. I would not want to record myself on my worst days, and very few influencers actually do either. If this is real fear for you, then it’s also a misunderstanding of the process. As homeschooling parents, we have the ability to learn right alongside our kids. We don’t have to have all the answers. When we have a spirit ready to learn - not just teach - we may be surprised by the gentle flow that comes from that willingness.
I couldn’t be home with my kids all day. There is definitely an adjustment period to all being home together during the day. But it’s not impossible. If this is a thought on your mind, I would encourage you to spend some time considering why you may feel this way. I would be so bold to say this is a cousin of the previous few misconceptions of perfection. And please remember that you do not have to replicate a formal school day. Play games, go on walks, read out loud, visit the library or museums. There are no hard rules that say you must sit at a table and complete all the work at once (it might work for some though!). Your kids don’t always need your constant attention, although they might want it. It’s ok for them to be bored and you do not have to be “on” all the time as their primary source of entertainment. Give them responsibilities and expectations, set goals and timelines with a loose schedule that allows time for you to shut off and practice things you also enjoy. There can be great freedom for yourself in homeschooling.
We could not live on a single-income. It’s true, the majority of homeschool families seem to be on a single income when the father works and the mother stays home to direct the household and education. I am not going to advocate for pushing yourselves into debt or being reckless financially just to make homeschooling a possibility; however, I will submit to you to consider your lifestyle and strongly consider adjustments if this is your primary concern about homeschooling. We have family members taking amazing vacations with their two children; we know families who take annual trips to DisneyLand or go on cruises together. Double-income families can drive newer cars or shop at Whole Foods. I would assume that most look at our messy, unwashed minivan rolling into Aldi with endless kids piling out (ok, only four), and think “that’s one way to live your life” - and it’s true. It is one way. And for us, it’s been the best way. We don’t take lavish vacations, most of my husband's PTO is spent with long and lazy days at the lake, maybe a camping trip or two squeezed in. Our daughters braces this summer were strategically planned, our kids participate in a single sport or activity. I am not saying we have it figured out or that we live debt free - neither are true. But as parents, we have decided that time spent at home together is an altogether no-brainer-win for us over me working outside of the home and our kids in the public school system.
What if I screw it up? Oh, you will. Numerous times, in numerous different ways. Remember that you are learning along with your children. Show yourself and your kids grace, be flexible and recognize when you’re hitting a boundary of emotions that shouldn't be crossed. No one can comprehend fractions with tears in their eyes and their strengths won’t shine through when they carry the burdens of their weaknesses. Be kind to yourself and admit when you’ve made a mistake, ask for forgiveness when you’ve lost your temper. By being vulnerable in our mistakes we are teaching our kids how to be good human beings and that is something that long out lasts test scores.
Homeschooling is a choice, not a privilege; the privilege is having a choice.
And you have a choice in if, how, and why you homeschool.