Out of the Mouths of Homeschoolers

By Alison Stoner

Whether you’ve had firsthand experience with homeschooling or not, chances are you probably have some thoughts about home education and the families that choose that approach. As a previous public school mom turned homeschool mom, I get it. I hold no judgement towards you and your preconceived notions because, chances are, I have thought them myself. I once wondered if my kids would be “weird” if we made the switch, or if, in my lack, I would somehow incorrectly teach them something important. Would they suddenly become children with no social skills, unable to communicate with the general population?

While homeschooling is definitely not a new practice, it is one that seems rather popular right now. Many families, both religious and secular, are leaving behind the traditional public school system and are opting for more freedom and flexibility in teaching their children. Though home education is steadily on the rise, there are often still negative thoughts about homeschoolers. Even in our rather conservative, mostly Christian circles, we’ve gotten the questions…

Don’t you want a break from your kids?

What do you do all day?

Don’t you get bored never leaving the house?

Don’t you miss school?

Are you using a “legit” curriculum?

We’ve heard them all. And honestly, I think people mean well and are genuinely interested in our lifestyle and how homeschooling is going for us. But the way questions are phrased often seem to carry a negative undertone and my homeschooled children are left feeling annoyed, abnormal, and looked down upon. 

After the holiday, where I was once again questioned about my curriculum choices, I started thinking about how others seem to view us. My thoughts led me to ask my children this one simple question: What do you wish others knew about your life as a homeschooler? I was both shocked and filled with encouragement at their responses!

Before I share their thoughts, I want to add the disclaimer that we are only one family of homeschoolers. Everyone’s home education looks different from one another, and there are a multitude of different factors (age, prior schooling experience, community, etc.) that could impact how a homeschooled child may answer the same question. I do, however, think it would be fun to expand on my research and ask others their thoughts on this question, but for the sake of this blog post, only my four kids (ages 4-12 and previously public schooled) shared their thoughts. 

What They Wish Others Knew:

We aren’t stupid. We are actually very capable and very aware of cultural norms. 

There seems to be this perception, particularly among their public schooled peers, that homeschool kids are not as smart and socially adapted as their peers. When kids hear that other students are learning different things than they are learning in school they tend to think that means that particular topic will just not be taught at another time. Additionally, I can confidently say that my homeschool kids have not missed out on the 6-7 hype and appear to be just as socially awkward as any other middle school aged kid I’ve ever met.

My 12 year old may hate me for including this, but she actually gets really annoyed when texting her public schooled peers. “Like can we just use real words please?” Perhaps her inability to decipher the jumbled up text messages does make her stupid…

We are not weird. We’re just normal kids. We can feel when others treat us differently because we’re homeschooled. 

I think the added comment of “we can feel when others treat us differently” stung my mama's heart the worst. We all want our children to feel included and accepted, and honestly this particular issue was something my husband battled with the most (he knew the family in the 90s with the “weird” homeschooled kids…). But hear me lovingly when I say this: All of our kids are weird. They all have individual quirks, and when they get together they make odd noises and laugh about the dumbest things. We did the same thing when we were kids. We’re all weird in our own ways. There’s no need to discriminate on our weirdness. 

We don’t want to be left out of conversations about school. We can still add a lot to the conversation. 

My older children have made a valiant effort to remain in touch with their good friends from public school, but as time has gone by there feels to be a growing divide. There have been times conversations have stopped mid-thought because they just thought Emma wouldn’t care because she doesn’t go to school anymore. The beautiful thing about friendship and conversation is that each person can add their own personal experiences to the chat - our differences can make for richer discussion.

We go to a lot of places. We don’t just stay home and read.

Phew. Guys I’m tired. We are on the go all the time and as an introverted homebody I wish we could never leave the house. One misconception I had about homeschooling before we took the leap is how often we’d be home vs. how often we’d be on the go. Currently where our schedule sits, there is only one day we don’t have any commitments. That day is Friday, which means it typically gets filled with something. 

Also, if someone could share the trick on how to get their homeschooled children to love reading so much that that is all they want to do please let me know. They finish their required reading and wouldn’t pick up a book otherwise. 

I actually feel like I’m learning more than I ever did at school and it only takes me 3 hours a day!

This comment was a big confidence booster for me. Of course I doubted (and often still do) if I’d be able to do this - if I was smart enough to teach them well. The growth that I have seen in my children in the last year and a half is incredible. Not only have they learned a lot, but their confidence in learning and their ability to teach themselves based on what they already know is amazing.

We get to spend a lot more time with our family now and that has made us a lot closer. 

I was actually very surprised they mentioned this one! While I would say that my kids have always been pretty good friends with one another (in comparison to other families I’ve heard stories about or witnessed), they are still siblings and get annoyed with one another (I can especially see it in these long winter months). But it’s also been clear that being with one another so much more has built stronger bonds among them. I’ve loved watching them play Legos together each morning, and scatter off into sets in the afternoons to run a mile (Emma and Levi) or play Barbies (Kate and Lola). 

As a mother, this last year and a half together has been a beautiful treasure. If we were to have to send them back to school tomorrow for some reason, I would be forever grateful for the time at home we had together. 

I think their responses alone show how intelligent and emotionally mature they truly are. There were some things that we have lost by switching to homeschooling, but there have been so many more that we’ve gained. If you’re like I was and filled with curiosity and wonder about the homeschooled child, I encourage you to strike up a conversation with them. They have so much to share, and so much insight to give. Just be sure you treat them like any other school-aged kid. Like everyone, they just want to fit in and feel affirmed that who they are is good enough.